My sweetheart and I took a very special heart centered yoga class this weekend with one of my favorite teachers, Anjali Budreski. She has a way of interweaving poetry, wisdom and loving affirmations into her classes that make the time on the mat multidimensional. One line from the class that keeps coming back to me is “Love is the bridge between you and everything.” from Rumi.
I found myself in a puddle of tears by the end of the class. I felt sweetly open and tender.
Later, I found myself in conversation with a good friend who’s had so many positive manifestations occur recently my head was spinning. We were sharing our Words Of the Year with each other, and as I described my word and the supporting words, I found myself getting emotional and weepy as I explained that Devotion was one of my words with a double meaning for me - for my renewed commitment to my relationship, and as a reminder to allow myself to Ask, Listen and Trust in a higher power and my higher self. I have a tendency to try to barnstorm my way through tough times rather than asking for guidance. How about you?
I’m sharing this with you today, even though I had something else on the calendar for the blog because I’m hoping if I need to say it, maybe you need to hear it.
Remember how I wound up in a puddle at the end of my heart centered yoga class? That same tenderness seemed to turn against me over the course of the day when the verdict came back at the end of the impeachment trial. Especially after listening to McConnell addressing the Senate, when it seemed as though he was trying to ride two horses at once. Obviously, the acquittal was a forgone conclusion, but I was overwhelmed with bitterness and sadness. The openness of my heart just couldn’t take it and my upset twisted in me and came out as irritation for my sweet partner for putting on the radio!
Living with and maintaining an open heart is challenging work. I had a hard time for the rest of the day - finding fault in myself and others.
Until this morning when I came back to Love is the bridge between you and everything. And, it came to me then that I need to allow some time today to seek some wisdom from a higher power, because I can’t find the sense in all this, and so much that is going on in our world. How can I keep my heart open in the face of so much oppression, misinformation, fear mongering and violence?
It’s a perfect time for me to come back to my words of the year Ask. Listen. Trust. Because when I think I’m supposed to wrestle with all of this in my own brain with my own thoughts, I do get overwhelmed and I feel alone. That makes me frustrated, mad and fearful. And then guess what I want? Someone to blame. Someone to lash out at.
Sound familiar? Sounds like...insurrection maybe? Nothing good comes from those feelings. So after I finish this, I’ll spend some time on the cushion Asking for help, Listening for wisdom and Trusting what comes. And friends, THAT is challenging work. There’s a part of me that would love to get on the phone with my mom and sister who I know will be in agreement with my anger and disillusionment. We’d beat our chests and sing our songs of woe. And nothing at all will come of that. But it would be easier.
In the meantime, I’ll be staying the course and using my imagination to envision the world that I really do want for myself, my sisters, and our families. The question I’m holding in my heart today is ‘What matters right now?’