We’d spent the day with our son’s family playing in the snow, snowshoeing and climbing high snow-covered ledges. We discovered many kinds of animal tracks and scat and our imaginations were fully engaged. That night we were tired and quiet. I had just made myself comfy on the couch and picked up my computer, when my sweetheart came into the living room to ask me a question. Then, he sat down too. Somehow it felt rude to just go back to my computer, so I closed the screen and just gazed absentmindedly at the candles on the coffee table. It was a lovely quiet mood, and I let my mind wander. Down the rabbit hole I went until I found myself pondering over my own personal theory on the nature of reality that includes the expanding universe, Horton Hears a Who, viruses, reincarnation, and quantum mechanics.
I’m neither a scientist nor a physicist, but I am, and always have been, a thinker. Who I am is a thinker.
I’ve been thinking about this question, Who Am I? because we’re reading Share Your Stuff, I’ll Go First by Laura Tremaine for our book group. Our Thursday night band of merry women is also reading the book and we’re each sharing our answers to the questions presented in the book. The first of these questions is Who Am I?. I found taking time to ponder these questions is beautiful “me time”. Sharing the answers requires vulnerability, but it’s also mildly thrilling. Even though I’m sharing my answers with friends that already know me pretty well, it still feels like a big reveal. I’m showing them parts of me they may not know. This is not just their perception of who they think I am, but the pieces I believe to be true.
In case you’re curious, I’m also a storyteller, a nester, a mother, a partner, and I’m freakin’ hilarious. From an astrological perspective, I’m a classic Cancer - I like to cook for people, clean, rearrange furniture, paint walls, mother anyone who will stand still, and give hugs. And, I am a woman. Set me down in any group, anywhere, anytime, and I can find shared experience and understanding with the women. I believe that’s what it is to be a woman and I sometimes feel a little sorry for men, because I don’t think they really share that same feeling of connectedness. sniff...
Truthfully, I did not have high expectations for this book. Amy has been a fan of Laura Tremaine’s for a long time, but somehow I was never pulled in enough to read her blog or check in on her podcast more than once or twice. But I find that I enjoy the author’s authenticity and candor.
In her book, Ms. Tremaine puts forth 10 questions, then she shares with us her answers. When she herself answers the question Who Am I?, she tells us that she pulls her hair out. Which is to say that she is and has always been anxious. While she lives a real life with a real life husband and children, friends, and a business - her background MUZAK is foreboding. Also, not what I expected because she presents as very positive and upbeat. What I particularly loved about her admission to this deep seated anxiety is that she’s unapologetic. This is not something that she’s trying to get over. It’s just who she is. Her honesty invites ours.
As I make my way through this book, it’s come to my mind to read, write and share these questions with my sister from whom I’ve lived across the country for nearly half our lives. Even though that’s the case, I feel we are close. But I would love to know her even more deeply and, barring a long distance road trip, I can’t think of a better way to do that than to read this book, write and share the answers with her. Or even just talk it through. Especially now, because when you’re home all day not seeing anyone - this gives us something new to talk about!
One last thing - this is a completely non-linear book so if you want to join us last minute, you can download it onto your Kindle or Audible and read any chapter and join us Tuesday night and you can share your stuff - I went first. <3