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How I found love in an online course

I am not big on online courses, but Amy is and thus she lured me into a mini-course with Andrea Scher, she who unwittingly provided the name for Perfect Avocado Retreats. As usual, when I have low expectations and show up with a lackluster attitude, I almost always get something big in return. Funny how the universe gives me the best rewards for just showing up.

The course was called Manifesting 2022 and we had one live call. In the first part of the call we answered questions to close out the year - what are you grieving from 2021, How were you brave in 2021? What are you most proud of? What can you forgive yourself for?...and so on. It feels good to write these answers down - it’s cathartic.

Then we moved on to thinking about this year. A couple of luscious tidbits that have stayed with me from Andrea’s wisdom is the difference between goals and dreams. Goals definitely feel more business-y - you remember SMART goals? Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time based. Goals are what you put on the wall and share with your team. You come up with action plans and timelines. Dreams are different. You don’t necessarily know how you will get there. There may be no plan. You might even keep your dreams to yourself because they are more vulnerable to the slings and arrows of commentary from the peanut gallery.

And then there are dreams that go beyond the seemingly possible. Scher used a dream generator to stimulate us into higher realms of dreams - which is a list of stimulating questions. She gave examples from her own life like wouldn’t it be cool to have Alice Waters teach me how to cook? Or what if I got asked to dance by (fill in the blank with your favorite celebrity crush). That one didn’t really do it for me, because while I really want to have dinner with Shankar Vedantum, I can’t really see us on the dance floor.

Her dream generator has lots of different questions, but the one that got me was “What are you secretly longing for?” When I answer these kinds of questions, I ALWAYS go with my gut, so no one was more surprised than me when my response was to feel really, totally, and completely loved.

Let’s be clear - I feel loved. I am loved, and I know it. I feel loved by my beautiful patchwork family, my cherished friends, and by my sweetheart - and I feel blessed that I have them all.

The kind of love that prompted that answer was more unstinting, all-encompassing and big.

I’ve been thinking about it ever since. What would it be like to feel that kind of love? What does a person who feels that kind of love act like? Who are they in the world?

It came to me that I can’t just be in receiving mode - and that helped me to answer what does a person who feels loved completely act like? Well, I think they would act in a loving open-hearted manner. They are a conduit for love. An open, flowing channel for love.

I’m now thinking that this secret desire to feel completely loved probably came from a recent feeling that to paraphrase Dr. Seuss, my own heart was two sizes too small. I have been short-tempered and fault-finding and guess what? That’s what has been coming back to me in the form of impatience and blamefullness! It’s a craptastic circle of not love.

Since I’ve clued myself into my secret desire, I’ve become more cheerful. I’m not muttering under my breath my judgments and complaints. I laugh more. I’m funnier because I’m more open to seeing humor. I’m more playful. I’m more lovable.

I occasionally need to be reminded of the old adage that it is when children are the least lovable that they need to be loved the most. That applies to all of us at any age - clients, friends, partners, grocery clerks, servers, etc. So, when I was not feeling the love and not finding the love coming back to me, I started acting unloveable. As a grown-ass woman, the only one I can count on to shine that longed-for love light on me is me.

TBH though, in my heart of hearts, I mostly think of this kind of love as divine love. And, to remind my own self of my own beliefs, I think this is the only kind of love there is. So, really I’m saying that as a grown-ass woman, I need to remember that the divine love light is always shining. Like happiness. I’m not a bible person, but I do love Corinthians. Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.

To explore your own secret desires, and figure how to manifest them, join us for a destination retreat in Costa Rica this spring. There we’ll journal, meditate, and coach you along a path of letting go of old limiting beliefs, break up with them, and let your dreams loose on the world - all in a safe environment. You can be the person for whom dreams come true. We promise that you will leave with a blueprint to get you started.

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